Solitude is (not) torture
Sol has been revolving to give light. Luna might be craving for it. But have you ever wondered if it’s lonely? Sol isn’t always meeting Luna unless there is an eclipse. But do you think they’re… lonely?
I was asked by someone, "Why do you like being alone?"
Why? Do I need to hate the idea of it? Back then, I might say that being alone was not the game of the players. You are a coward to move the queen, for you believe that it might be eaten by the bishop or knight. You are afraid to be told by everybody that you are suffering from sadness because you don't have someone with you— someone you can talk to.
Together with my hair growing, my mind was moulded by how life fed me and how my eyes got blurry with judgements. I hated myself for eating alone in a public place where couples and tons of people were feeding themselves with happy times. My eyes might squint to remember the last clothes I had worn, but how their eyes stared at me would never be a blurry vision. It was clear— not even a grainy and dreamy one.
Being alone can be considered as home. Home when the world is giving non-stop chaos, endless echoes. You eventually find yourself inside a home where solitude is not torture but more a cage of safety— loneliness is somehow healthy.
That was the moment when I knew that being independent stinks. But my eyes won't look in the other direction if you're going to ask me if I want to be with you when I'm lonely.
Solitude is torture; being independent becomes unsure. I love the idea of being only with myself, but sometimes, I wanna feel your hand rubbing my back.
You can be alone without feeling lonely; you can be alone when you are lonely: and you can be lonely but don't want to be alone.
And that's alright.
Written by Seenicaetoh
