I WASN’T FOR THE MAN I DANCED WITH THEN
In just a few hours, my favourite time will come again. Time when I can get a chance to hold his soft and seemingly feminine hand. The time when I can look at his gentle face.
His thick eyebrows, his puffy eyes, his sharp nose, and his thick red lips. I can look on without hesitation. And here we are again, laughing at the same time because we both don’t know how to dance. He finds it even harder to dance because of me. I was too small for him.
For years, I memorized every detail he had. What he doesn’t like, why he doesn’t use a pillow when he sleeps, what things he feels afraid of, what favourite colour, dish, season, and what he likes.
What he likes in a girl. He likes those who act modestly, speak softly, are beautiful, and prim and proper.
And of course, those who are not me.
I lost my beautiful smile when I thought of that. We stopped dancing and he asked me why. I just nodded and smiled as if he wasn’t hurting me. I did all the things he wanted in a girl, but I didn’t succeed.
Time was up and we stopped rehearsing the dance. I woke up because of the loud sound of my alarm clock. I just laughed when I remembered my dream that I was dancing with the man I was crazy about then.
I laughed because I remembered that I loved him more than myself then. I guess you can’t have the one that is meant for you if you’re still looking for the one that is meant for others. But as time goes by, I have learned to appreciate and love myself more.
I sipped the coffee I made. It’s sweet. As sweet as the man who makes me happy now.
I wasn’t for the man I danced with then.
Written by Seenicaetoh
